“Love is the only true tangible.”-hapytamyNYC
At first it was awful. It was the first time anyone ever broke up with me. I had been through breakups before but this time it was a very different experience. Instead of relief and sadness to be out of a bad relationship, there was overwhelming grief. It is easier to look back now to examine what was learned, feeling anything but philosophical at the time. I burst into tears at the worst times. Once or twice running out of business meetings sobbing uncontrollably. The hair was disheveled, the office unorganized and important tasks sat. The pain was suffocated in comfort food and sleeping became the new obsession. After weeks of this, I decided to get myself under control. By the time, I came to my senses, I had gained 15lbs. and my life was a disorganized disaster from weeks of being neglected. I committed myself to exercising every day even if it was walking for a half an hour. I “spring cleaned” my office, organized every file and peice of paper and swept through every closet. I also took care of the tasks that had been left to the magical break up elves. It was painful and humiliating going through those tasks and it took 16 hour days to get everything back into it’s place. I’m back on the dating scene and that pretty much goes from stinky to ok. I’ve met alot of nice people and a few I’d rather have not met. I’m not in a hurry to plunge into a committed relationship but dating has been a welcome relief. I had been in my former relationship long enough to consider marriage but now that is on the back burner. Not being anxious about marriage has left me feeling more free. I’m not desperate and am often more amused by my dates shortcomings than angry. I can walk away from a bad date calm. I don’t worry why he didn’t call. I’m just glad I have good relationships in my life. Fantastic, funny and supportive friends and family. I learned to always heed the red flags and that uncomfortable feeling in your tummy. I realized that I never needed a man to make me feel I had achieved self-actualization or to make me whole. I already was! copyright 2006 |
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